Tangled in the Great Escape
by ptvcarleexx
Summary: When Edward left Forks, Bella was heartbroken. Her entire world collapsed around her. She secluded herself from the rest of the world, but needed an escape from the pain she felt. When she becomes close friends with Jacob, she feels as though everything will be okay again, but she has to make a decision that could ruin their friendship forever. TRIGGER WARNING.
1. Numb

**AN: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of its characters, etc. Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, blah, blah, blah.**

**I have to say that there are TRIGGER WARNINGS throughout this, especially in this chapter. I will not warn you again, so please read at your own risk. I will not be held responsible if you find this triggering. Stay strong x**

"_Bella, we're leaving."_

"_Why now? Another year-"_

"_Bella it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barley pass for thirty, he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon, regardless."_

I remembered not understanding what he meant.

"_When you say_ we_-" I whispered._

"_I mean my family and myself." Each word was separate and distinct._

_I shook my head back and forth._

"_Okay," I said. "I'm coming with you."_

"_You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you."_

"_Where you are is the right place for me."_

"_I'm no good for you, Bella."_

"_Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."_

"_My world is not for you," he said grimly._

"_What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"_

"_You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."_

"_You promised! In Phoenix, you promised you would stay-"_

"_As long as that would be best for you," he interrupted to correct me._

"_NO!"_ I often thought back to that night, and sometimes it all felt like a dream; like he was never really there. Only the excruciating pain I felt in my chest when I thought of that night reminded me that he _was_ real. I tried to block everything out, and for a while it worked. But four words always stood out the most:

"_I don't want you…" _Of course not, why would someone like _him_ want someone like me? I couldn't give him everything he wanted; I couldn't be everything he wanted. I was never good enough.

"_It will be as if I never existed." _You got that right. Not a single trace of the _Cullens_ - I forced the word out in my head - was to be seen in Forks. Nobody mentioned the gorgeous doctor or his wife; the kids at school didn't bring up the four supermodel children they'd adopted. At least, they weren't mentioned around me. No one really noticed me anymore; I'd sort of just… faded away. I hardly spoke, and made sure I didn't stand out. I got average grades, cooked typical meals for Charlie and myself, I didn't do anything extraordinary or worth of recognition. I was normal; except at night. During my slumber, I found myself dreaming of that night in the forest. I was always screaming. At first, Charlie would come in to make sure I wasn't being murdered, but as the months went by, he stopped caring. It was just another one of Bella's silly little nightmares.

Each day was like the one before it. Get up, go to school, come home, do homework, cook, sleep; a pattern that I was most comfortable with. On weekends it was harder; I had to find something that would occupy my time. My friends never called, so I didn't bother calling them. I didn't want to. Why put on a happy face and pretend that I was okay? I often just sat in my room and read. Charlie would go out fishing with his friends Harry Clearwater and Billy Black. At Thanksgiving, I went over to Florida with my mom and Phil. They noticed something was wrong, but never questioned me. I guessed that Charlie had pre-warned them. On Christmas Day, Charlie and I invited Billy and his son Jacob over for a meal. I cooked everything without being asked. Jacob offered to help, but I didn't take it. I needed the distraction from everything.

I knew that I had serious depression; a doctor didn't need to tell me that. Charlie didn't seem to pay attention enough to seek medical attention for me. I never sought out help; I just kept to myself and dealt with it. Time passed, and I barely even realised it. I'd managed to make myself become numb, because that blocked out the pain I dreaded to feel. But feeling numb was painful too, and by January I couldn't take it any longer.

I'd thought about doing it before, but I wasn't quite sure how. I'd heard about self-harm somewhere in a magazine or on TV show that Jessica had talked about. Inconspicuously, I'd been searching around the house for sharp objects to hurt myself with. Kitchen knives were too obvious and I didn't want to break the razor that I used to shave. I was too self-conscious to buy another one. After a while, I found myself giving up. Perhaps harming myself would only make the situation worse rather than the preferred better? I sat in my room as always, when something caught my eye.

My pencil sharpener; I hardly used it, so the blade would be fairly sharp. The only problem was the screw that held it in place. I didn't know where Charlie kept his screw drivers. I thought about asking him, but I would need an alibi. After a little thought I decided on what I should tell him.

"Dad, the battery in my clock is broken. I need to replace it. Where do you keep the screw drivers?" I asked him. He got up out of his chair, meaning to go and fetch it.

"No, no I'll get it. Just tell me where it is," I said, ushering him back to his seat.

"It's okay Bells, I need another beer anyway." Charlie walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He pulled a small screwdriver from the 'bits and bobs' drawer that was in the counter next to it.

"This the size you need?" He asked me. It looked about right. I took it from him and headed back upstairs as I thanked him.

"Don't you need a battery?"

"Already got one, Dad, thanks!" I called down from my room. It was a total lie. Back in my room, I found that the screwdriver did in fact fit the tiny screw and I managed to get the blade out of my pencil sharpener. I held it in front of my face as though it was the answer to all of my problems. I found a small box to hide it in and put the now useless pencil sharpener in the trash. I took the screw driver back to where it belonged.

"Everything working now, Bells?" Charlie asked as I passed the living room.

"Yep, everything seems to be in order," I said as I once again headed back up to my room. I put the box that contained my weapon of choice into the medicine cabinet. Charlie would never look in there - it had all of my female toiletries inside and he was too much of a man to put any of his things in there. I headed back to my room to finish my homework. It was only 8:00 P.M. and I figured that when Charlie was asleep it would be the best time to begin my act.

I was jittery for the rest of the night, but thankfully Charlie didn't notice. I got ready for bed as normal and said goodnight to him. He didn't suspect a thing. I lay in bed until I heard Charlie's snores. As soon as I was sure he was sleeping, I crept out of bed and snuck into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I looked at myself in the mirror; dark circles had made themselves at home under my eyes. How much sleep had I been getting over the past few months? Unable to bear the hideous sight of myself any longer, I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the box that kept my treasure hidden.

I felt somewhat nervous about my first cut. I'd never done this before. What was I supposed to do exactly? I played with the blade a little while, contemplating why I was going to do this. It was supposed to make me feel better, right? That was good. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

_Here goes nothing,_ I thought to myself as I dragged the blade across my forearm. It cut so smoothly that at first I didn't feel it. After a couple of seconds, the small incision began to sting and small droplets of red formed. The smell of the blood didn't overpower me, unlike that day in biology. The smell made me want to vomit, but it was tolerable. I allowed the blood to drip down my arm. In a way, it was comforting. I made another small incision, and another, and another until I was slicing up and down my arm like it was the only thing keeping me alive. Blood splattered in the sink.

All the time I had thoughts in my head. Evil, nasty thoughts.

_You're worthless, you stupid bitch. He hates you. I hate you._ _He doesn't want you. Nobody wants you. _The voices I heard only made me cut more and more. It wasn't long until the sink looked like there had been a blood bath. Each time I placed the blade on my skin it was a little bit deeper. The cuts had made themselves up to the crease of my elbow and around where the crescent-moon shaped scar was on my wrist. I had cut there, but nothing happened. I guessed as much: vampire skin couldn't be penetrated, so why should my scar be penetrable?

Stopping was the hard part. Each cut made me feel slightly better; they didn't make me happy, but rather relieved. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Pain soothed pain; the irony made me want to laugh. Charlie's snoring stuttered and I dropped my blade. Thankfully, I didn't lose it down the sink, but I knew that my time was up. It was my queue to stop and go back to bed. I wiped the blade and washed all of the blood down the sink, leaving very scarce traces of my nightly activity. Charlie wouldn't notice.

It was my bleeding arm that I was most concerned about. I washed the blood off but what was I supposed to do about the cuts? I looked through the medicine cabinet and to my luck, there were some bandages inside. I wrapped them around my arm until it was the only thing that would reveal what I had done to myself. Not a cut in sight. I placed the blade into its little box and hid the box away in the cabinet. Nobody would ever suspect what I did. I left the bathroom and crawled back into bed.

A sudden thought crept over me; what if people asked about the bandage? I made a mental note to wear only long sleeves. Wearing a sweater over my gym clothes wouldn't be an issue. Living in Forks had it benefits; nobody would ask why I was wearing cold-weather clothing because that was the norm here. What I would do when I was visiting my mom in Florida didn't even cross my mind. Perhaps people wouldn't ask if they caught a glimpse of the bandage though. After all, I'd ended up in the emergency room more times in the past year that anyone in Forks had in their entire life. They'd probably just think that clumsy old Bella had had another accident.

The cuts began to burn underneath my bandage. I forced myself to ignore the pain; I told myself that sleep would be the answer. I dreaded sleep, though. The horrifying nightmare that haunted me every night prevented me from being restful. As fear of the dream filled my thoughts, I found myself in the forest once again. Like always, I was alone. Like always, I screamed.


	2. Port Angeles

**AN: So for a little while some bits are going to be really similar to the real New Moon, for which I apologise. I'm trying to alter some things but stuff like Bella going to the movies is kind of needed for the story to progress. Anyway thank you for the favorites, I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter! I would love it even more if you reviewed, so please do! Thank you!**

Waking up the next morning, I had almost forgotten the events of last night. When I saw the bandage on my arm, I realised what I had done and immediately regret it. How could I have been so stupid? Why did I ever think that cutting myself would solve all of my problems? I pulled the bandage off my arm; blood had soaked into it but at least I wasn't bleeding anymore. The cuts were starting to heal already; that was good.

I got into the shower and a horrible burning sensation took over my arm. It felt like it was on fire – almost like when… I got bit. I hurried in the shower, wanting to get away from the pain as fast as possible. After I was dry, I noticed that the hot water had opened up some of my wounds again so I wrapped another bandage around them. I suddenly panicked; what if Charlie saw the bloodied bandages? What would I say? I fetched my old bandage out of the trash in my room and hid it so that it could be disposed of later.

I went downstairs for a bowl of cereal, trying to play it cool so Charlie wouldn't notice anything different about me. We were eating breakfast when he unexpectedly hammered his fist on the table.

"Goddammit Bella, that's it! I'm sending you to Florida!" Charlie yelled. His sudden outburst made me jump. I dropped my spoon.

"What, why? What did I do?" I asked him, picking it back up again.

"You didn't _do_ anything! That's the thing! I can't have you moping around the house all of the time Bella, it's scaring me. I'm worried sick about you."

"But I haven't done anything wrong. I'm fine," I lied.

"You're clearly not Bella. I'm thinking that maybe you'll be happier in Florida – where the sunshine is."

"I don't want to be a burden on Mom and Phil."

"Renée's been dying to have you back," Charlie sighed.

"But it's almost the end of the semester. There would be no point," I whined.

"Bella, you are going to Florida." Charlie's tone was forceful now.

"NO! I will make plans – I'll go out with friends. I don't need a change of scenery." I was begging by now.

"Bells, it's not that. I… I think you need help. You're not the first person to go through this and frankly this behaviour isn't normal."

"So you think I'm crazy now?"

"Bella, I didn't say that. I'm really worried about you. I just want you to be happy again." Charlie's words were sincere. I tried not to yell at him this time.

"I'm sorry for the way I've been acting, Dad, but I really don't want to go to Florida. I'll make plans with Jessica for tonight; I'll try and be more… 'adventurous', just please don't send me away."

"I've already called your mother," he said. I was furious.

"I'm not going!" I shouted as I headed out of the front door before he could say anything else. I wanted to make a dramatic exit, but my truck decided that it was going to take forever to start up today.

On the drive to school, I thought about our argument. Was I too harsh on him? No, he was forcing me to do something that I didn't want to do. Why did he think that Florida would be best for me? I wasn't going; I would ask Jessica out tonight. We would go and see a movie…

I was early to school, much to my displeasure. I sat in the truck, still fuming. I felt the urge to cut, so that it would give me relief. I hated being pissed off. I pulled out my calculus book to try and distract me from the things Charlie had said. I must have been there for a while because when I looked up, the parking lot was full and I was late. Fantastic.

I snuck into Mr. Berty's class. He didn't point out the fact that I was late, and for that I was thankful, but everyone in the class decided to stare at me as I made my way to my seat. When class finished, Mike asked me if I was working tomorrow. Like always, I said yes. He waved goodbye as he made his way to his next class, and I headed to Calculus. I feared what Jessica was going to say when I asked her if she'd like to hang out… it had been months since she'd last spoken to me.

I was late to Calculus too; Mr. Varner gave me a dark look but didn't speak up. I hurried to my seat and smiled at Jessica. She smiled back, but with an expression that questioned my intentions. The class sped by just like that last, but I felt a small tinge of annoyance toward Mr. Varner when he dismissed us five minutes early.

"Jess?" I said, as I packed my things away.

"Oh I'm sorry, are you talking to _me_, Bella?" she spoke with a sarcastic tone.

"Who else would I be talking to?"

"What do you want?" She sounded impatient.

"I was wondering if… if you would like to go to the movies with me tonight. I really need a girl's night." I immediately regret asking her when I saw her reaction.

"Why are you asking _me_?" she almost spat the words. She was turning into another Lauren.

"You're the first person I think of when I want girl time." I said with a smile. She smiled back, this time it was friendly.

"Okay then, I think I'm free. What would you like to see?" She sounded genuine.

"I'm not sure, is there anything you would like to see?" I asked her. I didn't know of any recent movies so I thought it best to just ask her opinion. I prayed that she wouldn't say anything romantic.

"My dad's just seen _World War Z_; he says it's really good."

"What's it about?" It sounded promising.

"Oh zombies and stuff," she said as though it were obvious.

"Sure, let's go and see that then."

"Awesome, would you like a ride after school?"

"That would be great, thanks." I said with a small smile. She didn't seem to notice and walked off to her next class. It wasn't until after she left that I realised my tone of voice had sounded like a zombie itself. The rest of the day passed quickly, a thick haze spreading over me as I usually found. I didn't remember the drive home, and was surprised when I found myself in my room. I didn't struggle against the haze as I reached into my closet to grab my purse; I didn't notice the large trash bag that contained a gift from my last birthday.

I was thinking about checking my cuts but I heard Jessica honking her horn outside. I rushed downstairs to meet her, stopping in front of the hallway mirror to arrange my features into a smile.

"Hey, thanks for coming tonight," I told her. She began to drive off.

"It's okay but… what brought this on? Why do you suddenly want to go out?"

"Just needed a change…" And an excuse to get Charlie off my back. At the theatre, the movie passed by pretty quickly. I didn't really pay attention to it; I was too busy picking at my bandages.

"Good movie, don't you think?" Jessica asked me as we left. I nodded absent-mindedly. "Brad Pitt is just _gorgeous._"

_Not as attractive as someone I used to know…_ I thought. Before his face could pop into my head I asked Jessica where she wanted to eat.

"McDonald's?"

"Okay then," I said. I hated McDonald's. We walked for a little while, with Jessica babbling on about the movie. I nodded in all the right places. We passed a bar, and lounging outside were four men. Jessica walked a little faster, careful not to attract attention to herself. Something about these men was familiar to me, and I thought back to that night in Port Angeles last year…

The setting was different, but surely these were the same men? I found myself subconsciously stepping towards them. I didn't hear Jessica's calls as I approached the men; the question I kept asking myself was why? Why was I doing this? I should be running in fear of the memory, not hoping to relive it. Was I wishing that _he _would come along and save me again? One of the men smiled suggestively at me; it was disgusting. I then realised that these were not the same men.

"Bella?" I heard a male voice call from afar. I turned, shocked at who was calling me. It was Jacob Black. "What are you doing?"

"Is he your boyfriend, _Bella_?" The smiling man asked me. I shook my head. "Then you wanna go for a ride?" He winked and gestured to behind the bar. I wanted to throw up. Jacob came running over to us.

"Bella, do you know this guy?" He asked.

"No, but I thought I did. My mistake," I let my voice trail off at the end.

"Then why don't you come with us?" Jacob asked me as we led me back to Jessica. I let him.

"Bella, what the hell is wrong with you! Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Jessica said as we reached her.

"No, I just thought I knew him." I said. I was still dazed.

"Thank you…?" Jessica said to Jacob.

"Jacob, Jacob Black."

"And you know Bella how…?"

"I'm a family friend." He said, seeming surprised she didn't know him.

"Jacob, why are you here?" I asked him.

"I was hanging out with some friends." He gestured to two people I didn't recognise. They waved.

"Okay, well, thanks and goodbye." I said as I walked off with Jessica at my tail. I saw Jacob wave out of the corner of my eye.

"Do you really know him?"

"Yeah," I said as we got into McDonald's.

"He's kinda hot." Jessica said with a smile.

After eating we headed home and, to my surprise, Charlie was waiting outside looking very worried.

"Bella, where the hell have you been!?" He said.

"I told you, I made plans with Jessica." Jessica waved from inside the car.

"Bye, Bella," she said.

"Bye Jess, thanks for the movie." I said.

"Sure, whatever," she said, still annoyed about my episode.

"So you're definite about staying in Forks?" Charlie asked me. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, Dad, I'm sure. Can I go to bed now?" I said.

"Sure thing," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. I headed to my room, wondering what had been going on. I heard Charlie on the phone downstairs.

"Yeah, she's home. Guess she really meant that she was going out. Thanks for asking Jacob to go look for her." Charlie was talking to Billy. So that's why Jacob was in Port Angeles; he was spying on me! I was both insulted and relieved; that Charlie didn't trust me but he still cared.

I didn't cut that night, but the nightmares still came back.


End file.
